Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
