We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
