how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
