am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
