Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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