A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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