They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Randomize
