Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
