Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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