Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
