Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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