I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
