you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
