We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
