I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
