why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
