After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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