why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
