I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
