paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Randomize
