if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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