he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i now understand why vodka
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
