walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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