So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
