God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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