As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
