ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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