...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
