All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
