I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
