I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
