Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
