Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
