is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
