This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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