why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
