New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
