I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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