it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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