I am in a vortex of obligation.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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