nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
