Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
