i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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