If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
