well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize