why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
