I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
