wakey wakey hands off snakey
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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