PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
