we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
