I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
